all that glitters.

when you grow up.

… you grow up when you decide to do right, okay, and not what’s right for you, what’s right for everybody, even when it hurts. -lars and the real girl.

what marriage is really like: newlywed edition.

I have been married since September. So about 4 months. I’ve never been confident in my adding abilities, so I could be wrong. Not about the month we got married, but the total months we’ve been married. Moving on, I wanted to write about the things i’ve learned from marriage thus far. I have titled this the “newlywed edition” because I know these things will change as our marriage progresses.

1. My husband will use the bathroom as if it is his own tropical getaway. He could stay in there for hours, I’m talking twenty four hours, if he wanted to. 

2. It’s not necessary to check on my husband in the bathroom to see what is taking him so long, as long as he has his phone, the ipad, a few magazines, and maybe even a sandwhich-he’s actually able to survive in there so there’s nothing to be worried about. 

3. Laundry will suddenly become a priority and then quickly take over your lives. I am a girl, I don’t have to wash my pants everyday, I really don’t need to do laundry until the back of my pants starts to sag or i’m out of underwear. We just don’t sweat as easily and we were things that constantly smell good: body wash, lotion, perfume, extra lavender fabric softener when it’s your clothes being washed. Guys, apparently, just always stink up there stuff. There is not any chance that they could re-wear their shirt again. It’s like each day they are leaving their mark in the world by staining all things a slightly yellower shade than they were before.

4. It doesn’t matter how many things you’ve tried to do to modify their routines, they just do not change. My husband comes home and always empties his pockets. This is the male version of a female cleaning out her purse, except it is every single day. Wrappers, receipts, change, gum, candy wrappers, and ear buds all end up on the dresser. So I crafted a modified routine to eliminate the constant mess on the dresser. I bought a storage tin for his change, a trash can right next to the dresser, and a jar for all of his miscellaneous trinkets that need a temporary home. He seemed excited about the organization. I was enthusiastic about this constant clutter solution. It took two days for the trash to end up right back on the dresser.

5. I don’t have to be Julia Childs, I just have to provide food for my husband. Cooking isn’t even something that is a burden for me to do for him. I actually love that there is something I can do for him, for all that he does for me. I do want to clarify, pre-marriage, I used to “joke” that I made a “mean grilled-cheese” but it was the kind of joke that you tell so people will laugh and not suspect that you were being honest, just think you’re kind of cool for making a timeless classic. Thankfully, marriage allows you to prepare meals that can be as simple as mac and cheese. My own personal cooking philosophy that i’ve just now titled as a “philosophy”, is really just by spending even small amounts of time in the kitchen each day, somehow means i’m getting a little bit better at cooking and that Julia Childs French cookbook will likely remain just a cool cookbook to have as decor for a while but you can feel slightly more credible for having it.

6. I know what “Walking Dead” and “Duck Dynasty” are. 

7. The Real Housewives target demographic maybe women 20-50 but I can tell you that my husband favors the O.C. and that he’s talked character drama with my dad before. 

8. There are TV shows that both of us get excited for and watch weekly. It’s embarrassing how excited we get for our “Fox Tuesday’s” (we say that) and “NBC Thursday’s.” (Just in case you are looking for some real marital bonding time-Ben and Kate, New Girl, and The Mindy Project, Parks and Recreation, 30 Rock and The Office)

9. My husband could use “his” towels for three weeks-he might actually do this. When we first got married, if there was a towel hanging up, I’d grab it and put it on the floor to step on when I got out of the shower. I quickly learned that if he had used a towel once before, then that meant it was “his” and it should stay hung up for him to use for the rest of eternity.

10. Having a husband is being on a team-and i’m completely aware of the cheesy feeling you get when you read the tired metaphor of marriage being some sort of athletic camaraderie. It is nice having someone to alternate taking your dog out. It is also kind of fun having someone to be bored with you so you have another person to play scrabble with, watch an hours worth of YouTube videos with, or try and learn the entire “I’ve Had the Time of My Life” routine from Dirty Dancing. You can get your car started before work when it’s cold so it’s all warmed up when you’re running late to work. You get to pack his lunch and write him notes that make him laugh while also solidifying your status as “cool wife” when his friends hear him laughing.

It’s so difficult to write about marriage without sounding like something you’ve seen or heard before. It’s not some romance movie where my hair is always curled and I wear things that match to bed. It’s the opposite. It’s toilets, and towels and tuesdays. It’s a comforting feeling that makes you smile from your stomach that is also feeling sick because of all of this talk about lunch notes and love-I know, me too.