all that glitters.

Things you should know by age 23.

I’m a recent college graduate and now I’m in graduate school trying to get my hands on anything else that might get me a job, so I feel like I should have my junk together. At this point I am supposed to be living on my own, payin’ bills bills bills while listening to Destiny’s Child and knowing most things without having to call my momma. These are the things I have realized that I don’t know as an (i-n-d-e-p-e-n-t, do you know what that means?) adult.

1. I don’t know how to order meat or cheese from the deli. When I go to order some turkey from the nice looking ladies with blood on their apron, I ask “Hi! Can I please have some turkey?” I am feeling confident and excited-feeling like a big girl orderin my daggone meat by myself! She responds with “What kind of turkey?” I panic, stripped of confidence and excitement, and my eyes see 13 different kinds of birds that all look like turkey. Trying to just keep it cool “What kind do you have?” She proceeds to list 8 or 9 different kinds of turkey, finishing with “and just plain turkey breast”-heyo, that’s my bird. I picked my prize and now she asks “How much would you like?” Well, I pinch my fingers together and leave about a half-inch in between, “Like, this much”, even closing one eye while I said it. She responds with some weight to match the gap of air I clearly defined as enough and since we are speaking different languages, I agree. Geesh. Then, just to give me one last little lesson, she asks “How would you like this cut?” At this point-I’m caught, she knows I’m a first-time meat orderer but I have no idea what to even say as a guess, so-obviously I say “Just the regular way.” When she explains that there is no regular way I just tell her “You can pick, I’m sure it will be perfect.” 

2. I don’t know if the Febreeze commercials are real. I’m convinced that those blindfolded people selected to sit on unsanitary furniture who claim it smells like clean laundry or a tropical oasis are real. I need to know if this isn’t true to just move on with my life.

3. I don’t know what an armadillo is.

4. I don’t know the ins and outs of using a post-office. I know that a letter needs a stamp but then it ends there. I don’t know the different names for different kinds of shipping. I do not know what the perameters are of ‘out of town’ or ‘in town’ mail? The other mail box does not say ‘in town’ and I live in a village so are you telling me that there is an entire, equally as big as the out of town mail box that just ships to the other 800 people living in this town? I don’t think so. 

5. I don’t know how TV ratings are calculated. When I have a kid in my 3rd grade class who asks me these kinds of things, I either give such a lengthy answer with big words like “obligate” and “necessitate” to confuse the student or resort to “Great question Addison! Who can explain how TV ratings are calculated?” 

6. I don’t know what the legislative, executive, and judicial branches all do, anymore.

8. I sometimes even forget who the Vice President is.

9. I don’t know how much to tip if someone offers to pump my gas.

10. I have no idea which direction is which. Yes, I know “Never eat soggy wheaties” but if you tell me that a certain destination is just “a little northwest of here” I have no idea which way you are sending me, I don’t even know which direction to look.

But-I do Miley’s real name. I know all there is to know about Blue Ivy Carter and Suri Cruise. I know that some deodorant can cause Alzheimer’s or cancer. I know every word to “Super bass” by Nicki Minaj. I also know that peanut butter can get recalled so be very careful when purchasing your essentials. 

this week’s moments of magic

When things, or people, or plans just seem to let you down-there are always those moments, little or big, that keep you breathing & even make you laugh.

1. Getting a birthday cupcake twice this week-the cupcakes are seriously delicious but the best part is that excited, birthday smile that comes with it.

2.  Diet Coke. Morning, afternoon, evening. It always calms me down.

3. Having a best friend and fiance all in one-sheesh, it’s always those difficult weeks that remind me of how incredibly special that is.

4. Family. The times we talk & the times we try and harlem shake-it always makes things better.

5. Singing selena gomez with my baby girls.